As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
I’ve been part of a men’s discipleship group at New Life for five years. It was initiated by two young men who were new to the church at the time. The group didn’t move in the direction they wanted and eventually they left both the men’s group and the church. Subsequently they also moved out of the area. But the group they had planted remained and thrived in the lives of four men. All of us are older. All of us are elders. Occasionally others will drop in for a visit, but four men have made a commitment and often experience spiritual highlights early on a Saturday morning.
The meetings are usually unplanned without designated leadership, but they follow a predictable format. We just talk. We are comfortable around one another and there is high personal trust. So the guys open up without fear of rejection or condemnation. But we challenge one another directly. The most common topic by far is politics. Closely related is the culture war. That often leads to the challenge of evangelism in a changing world.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard something like “People just don’t want to hear about Jesus.” I hate hearing that. I don’t want to hear about how the lost don’t want to hear. Our complaint is not true, but it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What the lost don’t want is an angry finger pointing in their chest.
In many of these discussions I remain silent for fifteen or twenty minutes while the guys vent. Eventually they ask me what I think or I finally say, “May I address this with you?” Then it’s my turn to vent. We open the Scriptures and God leads us through a remarkable time of insight and depth. Sometimes we go on for two hours. Many times we walk out of the session praising God and saying to ourselves, “Where did all that come from? We didn’t see it coming. It was a wonderful time of refreshment. God is so good to us!”
Over time, no matter where we started, we kept arriving at the same conclusions from our time together: We needed to change our unwritten core values of status quo and power. We started putting the ideas on a portable white board. They were radical changes, like stop judging others or stop trying to control others. We talked about radical acceptance and service from a position of powerlessness. Scary stuff. Sometimes other people would look at the list on the white board and comment, “I don’t like it!”
That’s understandable. I’m not so sure we like it ourselves, either, because our stubborn old values continue to assert themselves with force. I keep dragging out the white board. I point to it and say, “We’ve talked about this a dozen times from several passages in Scripture. This is what we always conclude, right?”
“Right,” they say. But it’s hard to put it into action. We’re still suspicious of outsiders. We still point out the faults of others. We still want to be in control of election results. We’re still angry about cultural changes. For the past year or two I’ve begun to wonder if the men’s group is stuck. Where’s the life change?
Two weeks ago, God gave me a breakthrough. It turns out we were off track and have been for a long time. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Others saw the problem and I didn’t. I’ll write about it next time.